Samantha’s Weblog

Attempting to be serious…..

Blurbs on the past week November 27, 2007

*11/20-Last day of classes and work before Thanksgiving. Didn’t pay much attention to school. Work was an easy 5 hours since I was still in training at the new center. Spent time on the computer doing a online orientation which kept loosing my work causing me to frantically try to catch up. Then I went to lunch with my “buddy” from work, which was much better than my last buddy lunch from the last center. For one, we actually ate food (Chinese Buffet in Five Points). Two, there was no awkward, “So where did you go to school?” and all those stupid getting to know you interview like questions. It was very casual even if I didn’t talk to much because of there was actually 2 other people. I got to know more people at work. It was good. I spent the rest of the night on the computer finishing an online class project, which was probably the most school I did all day.

*11/21-Woke up to the phone ringing and Phil saying, “We are going to be late.” Turns out my mom decided not to wake me up, even though she said she would, so I could get ready to go hiking with Kevin and Phil. I had to hurry out of bed, get ready, and then drive to school 12 to meet up with the guys. We ended up going to this new place that Kevin hadn’t even been to yet called Dingman’s Ferry. It has now earned the name “Broke Neck Mountain” for the fact that if you fall climbing up the side of the first obstacle (a waterfall), you will break your neck and therefore die. It caused me to get out of my comfort zone and challenged me. Phil has some embarrassing video of me during the first obstacle and will not delete it. It is not me at my finest. Later, Phil and I went to see “No Country for Old Men”. Great movie and you should go see it.

*11/22-Woke up to the realization that I had not emailed one assignment in for my teaching class. Went downstairs and helped make baked ziti. Had a Thanksgiving dinner with my family. Took a nap and then went to my aunt’s house to have another Thanksgiving dinner. Afterwards, went to Phil’s house to visit with his family minus anymore food. Played Pictionary and then went home and to bed with a couple extra pounds.

*11/23-The start of a long and emotionally exhausting weekend. Wake up and find out that my dad is in more pain than he had been in for the past coupe of days. He has not eaten, but vomited repeatedly. He’s in a cold sweat. Basically, he was not good. Yet, (this will be the start of a slight rant) he refused to go to the doctor/hospital. Why do guys always insist that they are okay, when they are not? Why can’t they visit a doctor? Why do they not acknowledge that they a) human and b)mortal?(end of rant) Finally, after I go online and scare him with a little webmd knowledge, we call an ambulance and proceed to the emergency room. We get there at about 1 pm and after 8 hours of testing and (mostly) waiting, the surgeon says they are going in to remove his appendix. Most of the day it was my dad and me. Mom had to work and there was no way my sister’s were staying in the hospital for that long. I was drained by 9:40 when they rolled him into the operating room. Plus added emotional strain, I just wanted to pass out. Doctor comes out and says my dad had to be lying because his appendix had already burst which meant he had to be in pain for at least 10 days. Good job dad! Saw dad get situated in a room and then hit the sack.

*11/24-Visited dad in the morning for a couple of hours. Then proceeded to stay home and lounge the day away. I was in a funk. I was not the normal Samantha. I found out today how truly awesome my friends are in trying to include me and how much my church family cares for me. Though I didn’t leave the house, the invitation was enough to brighten my day a tad bit.

*11/25- Went to church. Was on the way to visit dad, when my mom decided to inform me that he was coming home and that I had to pick him up. This meant a little more pressure on me and I turned into frantic Samantha once again. Got dad home and got his medicine. Afterwards, I got some fellowship time with my church peeps. We got together to go see Rob Bell in NYC. He was great. It was a little lengthy, but it was awesome. I love the last thought when he was talking about the bishop asking the woman about her visions of Jesus. The bishop had asked the woman to ask Jesus what his last confession was and when the woman asked Jesus he said, “I don’t remember”. That was a WOW moment.

*11/26-First day back to the grind. I was so tired and hated waking up to my mom asking me if I was going to school because that meant that my alarm had not gone off and I was late. Went to my first class and did nothing, but I got back my lesson plan and got an A. I was very happy and I felt that I may actually be doing well in school. Took a nap between classes. Went to my Shakespeare class and found out I got a C-/D+ on my last paper. Was then returned back to the planet earth and rushed to work. I LOVE the new center. I’m not working in the infant component and get to be with the babies. I love it. After work, I went to pick up Leopard. I was so happy because it is beautiful.

*11/27-Today is alright. Had my first class, which I was late for. Did absolutely nothing. I’m probably not going to do much in the next class, but I’m beginning to feel the end of the semester crunch. I have to go to work later, but that’s fine.

That’s been my week. Whew!

 

Why? November 20, 2007

Filed under: creative writing — milagrosfarias @ 10:19 am
Tags: , , , , , ,

Questions of why fill my mind like a poison. I strruggle with my mind and heart. Soul and body are torn.

Why?

Shock and fear encounter every emotion. Hope is there, but smothered.

Why?

Is it possible? Is it plausible?

Why?

I want to have faith that everything will be okay. I want to have faith that it’s not a test.

Why?

This can’t be real. It can’t be true.

Why?

Oh God. Don’t let it be true. Please Lord. Let them be mistaken.

Why?

Now is not a good time. She can’t leave us now.

Why?

Abba, help me.

Why?

Help me understand

Why?

Take my doubt.

 

WOOT WOOT!!! November 16, 2007

Filed under: Work — milagrosfarias @ 7:01 pm

Got my transfer. I start Monday. WOOT WOOT!!!!!

 

20 hours completed November 15, 2007

Filed under: School & Teaching — milagrosfarias @ 11:21 pm
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As a student at William Paterson University who wants to become a teacher, there are some things that I am required to do. One of them is that I have to complete 20 hours in the field. Today I realized, is when I would finish those 20 hours and I only realized it when it was nearing 3 o’clock.

It has been an interesting experience. Mrs. Sarah Becker has been my teacher in teaching and has really pushed me through these 20 hours. She has made sure that I got the most out of these hours. I have led a small guided reading group and worked with them on the story of “Rumpelstiltskin”. I have taught twice in front of the big group. I have graded assignments, called attendence, and even heped them with their math.

Yet, today may hold one of my biggest accomplishments. I had to teach the whole class. In my earlier blurb, I talked about my nervousness and feelings of not being cut out for teaching. I was so upset because this is one of my dreams. Today was very helpful.

I walked into the classroom at 1:15 and saw that the DARE officer was in the class, instructing them on how to say no and such. I sat down next to Sarah and listened to the DARE officer instruct the class. I kept looking at the class, hoping that I wouldn;t have to teach. I had prayed in my car before going into School #12, but I still felt anxious. The DARE officer said sorry to sarah for going over and then left. I looked at the clock and it read 1:40, which made me think that I wouldn’t have to teach because they had not done any language arts for the day. It’s essential that the day include 20 minutes of Language Art instruction and 60 minutes of Language Art Centers. Since Sarah usually has them ack up at 2:45, I thought that I was set. I was wrong.

Sarah tells me I’m on and says to the class that I’m going to be teaching. So I get up and Sarah has them get their Social Studies books. I have them open to page 314 and we read a little. Then I have them all stand up. I say that we are going to re-enact the Revolutionary War. I go through a little story nd have them sit down as they get killed. They enjoyed this, but kept trying to dodge me as they had to sit down.

I wanted them to discuss important people from the lesson so I had picked a couple of people from the chapter and split the class into groups. I went through an examle of what I wanted them to give me and set them to work. They did very wel except one group. They took forever to get started and by the time I had called time, they werent ready. I helped them when it was there turn, but I could tell that they were upset. I realize that I should have been more on top of them to get settled. I tried, but I should have been more forceful.

Overall, the lesson was much better than my first attempt. My first attempt was pretty bad with me not having them involved and not being confidant. Today I felt confidant in what I was doing. I guess my prayers worked.

I just feel reaffirmed that this is my calling. It always feels good to be encouraged.

 

Quick Blurb November 15, 2007

Filed under: Blurbs — milagrosfarias @ 11:14 am
Tags: ,

I have to teach today at Elmora School #12. Sara is having me teach a Social Studies link on the Revolutonary War. I’m a little nervous. Last time I taught, Sara said I did fine but I didn’t feel like I did fine. I’m very nervous about it. This is what I want to do with my life and I can’t help but feeling that I’m not cut out for this. I’m working on this lesson plan so hard but I still feel that it isn’t good. Then I’m changing my mind about what I’m going to do or say and now I’m so confused.

It’s just funny that I learn more out in the field than what they teach me about teaching in school. I like t do things, not be lectured about it. It’s just aggravating that my teaching class has all these stupid assignments that have not helped me with my becoming a teacher. Some assignments were helpful like writing a lesson plan, but others like a film review on a movie that deals with teaching, doesn’t seem to helpful. I understand that this movies were about real teachers, but our lives are not their lives.

This is just a quick post about my feelings right now. I will write about what happened later.

 

Blurbs of the day….(so far) November 14, 2007

Filed under: Blurbs — milagrosfarias @ 3:40 pm
Tags: , ,

*I really want to find out more about this movie “The Golden Compass”. I had to pass out a paper on Sunday about it’s true meaning and I want to understand what is really going on.

*I haven’t been stressed lately. I realized yesterday that I have been resting in God and just trusting in him more. I read a verse in Hebrews last week and I think I have either totally understood it and taken it to heart or I’m just thinking that I understood it, but am still doing something right. LOL!

*I need to relax more often.

*Maybe I’m actually growing up. Lately I feel like I have been growing up. Yes, I know I have responsibility, but there have been little things like how I present myself to people that has made me realiza that I’m getting older.

*I’m actually learning how to use this thing better without Billy’s help (so far).

*That’s all for now. lol!!

 

AshleyMadison.Com November 13, 2007

Filed under: Thoughts on... — milagrosfarias @ 3:42 pm
Tags: , , , , , ,

I commute to school Monday through Friday. I’m up at 6:30 am and out the door at 6:45 am. Usually I like to listen to Z100 in the morning and usually enjoy the Zmorning zoo. It’s something to listen to even and I enjoy some of the topics they discuss. It can be very emtional like when they get on serious topics like veterans on Veteran day or about September 11th. Most of the time they are talking about random and entertaining tidbits like buying a tazer or the top ten ugliest shoes (uggs were the ugliest…no surprise).

Today, they were talking about these commercials they had seen about this website called AshleyMadison.com. The commercials said,”Are you married? Do you want something more?” with a slogan of “When Monogmy becomes monotonous.” What could they be advertsing? They joked about what they could be advertising, but they knew and agreed that it was a site that advertised cheating. It is specifically aimed at married people.

They went into some detail about how that whatever “services” you purchase from this website will come up as something random so that your spouse will not find out or be suspicous about the charge. For example, instead of saying “Ashleymadison.com” on the bill, it may say “McDonald’s” or something along those lines. This site allows for somone to have an affair and keep it quite.

I listened to there discussion about it until I got to school. I was really disturbed on many different levels. As a girl who has a boyfriend, it bothers me that there is a website that makes it easy for someone to hurt someone in this way. They make it easy for someone to cheat and not be found out. As a christian, it bothers me how society is distorting this sacred bond between a man and a woman, and ultimately with God. Even on another level of a person who has seen the affects of a cheating spouse on the family as a whole.

But this whole discussion on the radio only brought up another feeeling that I have been dealing with about marriage.

As I have said, I’m not single. I have been dating my boyfriend for about 2 years now. It’s been an interesting 2 years, but as of late the whole topic of marriage has gotten to both of us. It seems that everyone expects us to get married. Okay, we both had the idea that if we were going to date, it had to lead ultimately to marriage. Recently, I have been questioning that whole idea of dating.

It seems in our Christian world that if you are dating, you must have marriage in the back of your head. It seems that we focus our relationship in that direction from the beginning. I’m beginning to question this idea. I understand that we should not date with no purpose, but why does the purpose ultimately have to be marriage.

I feel like I’m not making any sense and I have barely begun. It’s just lately I have been feeling that there is to much pressure in our Christian World on dating leading to marriage. How can we fully understand someone with pressure on us? How can we concentrate on having a healthy relationship with this peron and with God when people are constantly on top of you about marriage.

Marriage should be about you, the person, and God. It shouldn’t be about people pushing you or the pressure of being married. If you, that person, and God think it’s time to get married, then get married. Don’t plan out your life around that idea of getting married at a certain time or point in the relationship. It may not be God’s will. God has the perfect timing for everything and I think that we tend to forget that we should just listen to him and not worry about the person we are going to marry.

Dating is tough and tricky, but I don’t think we should frame our relationships around the idea of marriage. It makes things rough.

Trust me on that.