The Big Question November 8, 2008

So I’ve been promising that I would answer that big question: “Am I depending on God or just believing in him?”

I decided to try and tackle this question on Monday and here it is Saturday and I’m finally posting what little I had tackled.

One of the big reasons for taking my time with this question is because the answer is quite simple: I am just believing in him. I am not depending on him, but on myself.  I only believe that he will open doors for me to do what I have to do.  It’s not God doing something for me, it’s more like him providing me a way. So instead of the emphasis on me. It’s kind of crazy, but I’m trying to diminish God’s role in my life.  I’m putting myself in his spot of glory.  Instead of saying, “God did it”, I say “I did it.”

Yes and as much as I want to say that this is wrong, it is not.  Let’s dig deeper.  I know you want to hear more.  The reason for my not depending is…I have major trust issues.  BUt that’s not it ladies and gentlemen, I have issues with humility.

And I don’t know if this makes sense, but it’s really hard for me to admit.  It seems fitting that I’m deciding to share this when I’ve been getting tons of traffic.

So where was has the girl with faith in her creator and greatest friend? I don’t know.  I miss her.

Long time, No write October 29, 2008

Sorry my friends for abandoning you.  I have been on haitus because of the summer and now school.

It’s been hectic.  During the summer I was trying to live life to the fullest.  I was grasping at every opportunity available to experience and learn and grow.  I had some issues with myself.  I had to come to a realization of who I was and what was going on inside of me.  It took awhile.  I’m still working on myself.

Lately, I’ve been trying to deal with the stress.  It always seems like I’m under major stress.

Let me explain:

I’m a Senior at William Paterson.  I have next spring and I’m done.  I’m working on getting my certification for Elementary Education and Middle School English.  I have 6 classes with two full days in a classroom in Passaic. This means I have no life!  Or as my boyfriend says, “You have a life, just not the one you want.”  On top of this, I am a leader in my youth group, “The Bridge Youth Ministries”.  I am in charge of our Bridge Jr. Program at our Midtown Branch. Plus, I am Assistant vocal director for the Young Adult’s band for our church called “The Connection”.  Plus, I have a boyfriend and sometimes, I have friends.

Right now, I dealing with the major decisions of what I want to do.  I’m struggling financially and was denied unemployment.  I feel like I need a job because I’m barely making it babysitting one day a week.  I have been shirking some of my responsibilities as is with my school load on high.

Yes, I know. I’m almost there!

It’s just craziness in my head and I have been falling into slight depressions lately.  My one support has been my boyfriend because lately I’ve been slightly angered with God.

He’s been trying to deal with my trust issues, but of course I’m having trouble.  Being in financial distress doesn’t help my trust.

Yet, I shall not stress for the next couple of days due to the National Youth Workers convention in Pittsburgh.  I’m taking this convention for me this year.  Last year was business.  This year is personal.

I will try and update while I’m there.

Tata for now!